Life to me has always been a struggle to express my creativity. Growing up I hated drawing and creating as I could never create what was in my mind. When I was fifteen I was tested and found to have Dysgraphia. Fine motor skills will never be my strong suit, or spelling, or grammar. This lead me into computers - I worked with computer aided design and the internet. Word processors allowed me to express myself with writing. I found photography and fashion - worlds that are visual and tactile. I found a creative outlet. Using cameras, computers, and the internet to share my passion. I followed that road and it lead me to design a fashion line, to design and build a public space, to dream. That path came to cross roads in 2017
Since then I have struggled creatively. I haven’t picked up my camera, and haven’t wanted to point it towards myself. I focused on my work. Looked to develop my story telling skills. As the months went by I looked to settle into my post designer life. I rode my bike, played video games, watched shows, went on work trips. It was and is great I do enjoy my work and my life. But as winter descended I found myself feeling as if something was missing.
The dark lonely nights of winter were not good for me. I have never enjoyed the holidays for too long I have lived alone and darkness allowed me to stay home and hide. I went to an opening of a new menswear shop - the space was beautiful but it reminded me of past wounds that have not healed. I remember walking home and feeling more lost and empty than ever before. This paired up with me taking vacation from work and losing the one place where I am free to creatively solve problems and collaborate. I knew I needed to create I just couldn’t figure out how.
This lead me to explore painting. Its wild to think I’ve never picked up a brush before. My years of working with colour, patterns, and structure lends itself so naturally to a canvas. The works come from the heart exploring: loss, regret, hope, and love.